Diary of Pain

that reflects my heart for the past few months

i thought i will be crazy, i am stupid, and thought of dying

 because i was so broken hear-ted,crying everyday, do not want to eat

the term was "walang gana"..

always asks questions, can't sleep, always thinking, bothered all the time

i do not even wanted to go out.

all i ever do is sleep, pretending to be

that was just an excuse for  me to cry.. 

pains, hurts its just that i never thought i could experience

so much pain in my heart, that even how hard i deny the feelings, it just grow and grow

i even made these pictures as my profile picture and cover to show, that i am really hurting

always thinking, am i replaceable?, am i not worth it, am i that sinful?

am i that bad, am i really an un believer now?, like i do not have the chance to change?

who really i am?

" you have left a scar in my heart

a block in my brain

you have caused me to cry everyday

you have caused me to lower ,myself down

i am always true to my words, i always keep my promises

you make me believe you are true, you are the one i always pray

my best friend...

we always say to each other

"walang iwanan ha kahit anung mangyari"

how could you say, i am a bad person?

a snake?, a traitor?, you have said words that i only hear after the 4 years of friendship

what is wrong with "i am just trying to help you"

for telling the truth.

you have asked me to give way because you will die if you will be removed

that i have nothing to loose, even it hurts me hearing those words i said yes, because you are

my BFF, 

and i never just thought for just that moment you have given me up,

you have dumped me, you just do not want me anymore

i remember your words, but i do not know if they are still true.

out of your selfishness, you have done that painful thing to me

how many times, you have pleaded me not to give up on you, i always listen to you

whenever you need help, i am always there, where nobody is there

but i am thinking now

na-aawa ako sayo, i now realized how badly you needed them for you to give up on me

because if the opposite thing did happened that would be worst, your daily routine will be new, 

and you can never forgive me...

i do not want to be the all blame

because i think, that what is happening now

i have tried many ways to settle past, but you are not open to do that

why?, because you are so afraid that they will know that you are communicating with me

or else.

it was so painful for the both of us...

I AM STILL THINKING, WORRYING ITS MY FIRST TIME AFTER FOUR YEARS

 TO CELEBRATE EVENTS WITHOUT YOU.

I COULD NEVER SEE YOUR SMILE

OUR FUN CONVERSATIONS.

but, let me tell you this

I realized i am strong, stronger than you are

you have only lost me, 

while i have lost a LOT

you can never be stronger than I am

and If that situation will ever happened again

you will keep doing the same thing, giving up people

so for own sake, for your life not to be ruined.

that I can lived without you

yes you are my BFF, i could never find someone like you

but you are not my sister, mother, father, husband, boyfriend,

for me to mourn everyday, waste my life.

thank you the best memories

i am tired waiting for the person who will never come back

yes, it is painful for us to end this ways

not to be celebrating happy occasions together.

the privileged to be introduced, greeted as BFF to people, events continues to hurt me

but i remember, you said, " i am nobody's bestfriend", that is my calling... 

but you have made a choice and i will respect it.

there is nothing i can do about that

now i know, in time we will meet again

i will be the new person you never thought i would be

 i hope you will never regret this.

i have decided to let go, to let you go.

and i know i will be okay because i am strong!!

you made me realize we are better off in separate ways, why?

to grow, to be someone GOD wants us to be

its safe, right?

 as i journey these pains, one person lifted me up

and you say i am an un believer, you treat me one

but i do not think so, yes i have made mistakes, we all do

i have repented, paid the price, suffered the consequences

and one thing i know

HE HAS NOT ABANDON ME....

HE IS A GOD, A FATHER, A HEALER.

if i am that sinner, that bad

HE wouldn't be here for me until now

HE would not answer my prayers, HE would cut His blessings

BUT HE NEVER DID!!!, HE NEVER DID... 

he has renewed my mind, my soul, my heart and my mind

and i am into trials now,

that is one of the signs that GOD is working on my life.

only GOD can do that...

 

I am claiming this and I am feeling it

and I thank you for you are the best blessing that happened in my life

for you are the reason that i met the greatest MAN in my life.

and HE is the one who is helping me right now

JESUS!!!!

 

 GOD helped me to go on, to be strong

HE is enough for me, through HIM

i can do all things, and i have done a lot of things.

a lot of blessings came to me...

 and as long as I AM STILL ALIVE

HE is still not done with me

i may have followed my own will and lost track

but HE is preparing the PERFECT ROAD for me.

and I am excited to know and fulfill them..

but once said, always said

you wanted me to see Happy, blooming

and you wanted me to live a life

so that there will be hope to see each other again.

i will hold on you accountable on that

one day, we will meet.

fully grown, used by the Lord, matured.

and continue our purposes

and we will just be laughing on the past memories.

i may not be there to journey with you and count more memories together

and that hurts, always brought me eyes to tears

because, people change, the friendship you 

  have with people right now will grow, as compared to me

we do not know...

thank you best friend..

see you soon.

KOCKIE MY SISTER

I asked permission from her 

the username and password

so its time to make a blog for her..

SHE IS PATRIOTIC INSIDE, 

SIMPLE......

this is her birthflower, NARCISSUS

the funny side of her

GETTING TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HER

HER BEST FRIEND MADE THIS FOR HER

HER ALL TIME FAVORITE PICTURE

STAY STRONG
By Sister Siebra Muhammad

Life can be tough on all of us,
but lately your sun won't shine.
Your going through so many things,
that are way worse then mine.
But look how far you've made it,
and look at the friends you've made.
I hope you realize how much we miss you,
the memory will never fade.
Your unique and so full of talent,
don't you dare let it all go to waste.
So many wonderful things about you,
that you couldn't ever be placed.
You are but a lone seagull,
but you soar with beauty and grace.
Your intelligence is so stunning,
the icing is your beautiful face.
Sometimes what others say is important,
because what I want to say is all true.
You're a great person and friend,
you're special and there's no one like you.
Steel all the sun for yourself,
because it's each heart you've stole.
Stay strong because you have the courage,
and smile because it brightens each soul.

A GIRL WITH BIG IMAGINATION
WILD DREAMS
BIG HOPE
SO OPEN-MINDED
AND A 
WISE-PERSON

A PERSON WHO I JUST MET LAST YEAR
DO NOT KNOW MORE ABOUT HER
BUT SHE IS 

 IMPORTANT TO ME





SHE IS,ARE

"A LOVING BUNSOY OF THE FAMILY

 an activist, fights for her
ADVOCACIES!!

 

loved by her FRIENDS< BUDDIES<CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND

 A DEDICATED

TEACHER

LOVES ADVENTURE, 
TRAVELS A LOT!!! 

HER WORK REQUIRES THIS

EVEN ITS HOT!!
WHEN SHE LIKES AN EVENT
SHE WILL GO FOR IT!!! 

A CARTOON ADDICT!!
 

LOVES TO WEAR HAT
LISTENS MUSIC
 AND

A STARBUCKS FANATIC!!! 

BELONGS TO BIG
YET DESCENT FAMILY 

HE LOVES THIS MAN
JEREMY RENNER 

 

"SHE ALWAYS DREAMS TO DO THIS UNTIL NOW"

 



 

she has been struggling painfully
emotionally and physically

OUT FOR AN ADVENTURE

SHE NEEDS TO WEAR ONE

HER MAN (ACTOR) 

 
 AS I TALK TO HER I ALWAYS REMEMBER HER LINES



me: are u tired?
sister: yes im tired
me: in tears
sister: i am just waiting for that one person that is why i am staying strong, let us make it two, she gave me their names, L.P and S.C,
i wanted to witness when they come back
me: but it has been months, no contact
sister: my saying, remember?
if i am really part of their dream they will come back

me: i hope they will, so that you can be totally happy even with that illnesses
sister: if that happens, then i could say, I am ready to go home with my Father
me: heavy tears

WE FORCED HER TO HAVE WISHES!!

 

 

 

AND WE ARE DOING OUR BEST TO FULFILL THEM EVEN ITS DIFFICULT

AND WE DO NOT KNOW WHERE, HOW TO START!!

ONE OF HER DREAMS?, TO SEE, TALK AND BE WITH SOMEONE AGAIN

BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE, SHE EVEN DEDICATE A BLOG A FOR HER

WHO IS IT?, HER BEST FRIEND 

AND

WHEN ITS DONE

SHE IS READY TO REST!!

 

 

"SHE IS JUST WAITING FOR HER"

 

 

 

 

 

 

A POEM FOR YOU SISTER

 

 

You've been there through out all that I've done,
And our friendship is more than true.
We are two, but we stand as one,
And I don't know what I would do without you.

You're always there when I need you,
And I can't believe all the things that we've been through.
No one ever gets me the way you do,
And it's all because you're just you.

You are my best friend, and I want to thank you,
Because you've always brought out the best in me.
You always find a way to make me smile when i'm felling blue
And when i'm sad you always cheer me up and make me happy.

I don't think you will ever really understand
How you've touched my heart, and made me who I am.
I don't think you could ever know just how special you are to me,
Because you're a better friend then anyone could ever be.

I hope you will forever be my best sister and my friend,
Because I know we will be best sisters till the end.
I will never forget you even if we are in the biggest fight,
I know will get through it, because we are too tight, and it just wouldn't feel right.

You'll always be in my heart,
No matter how bad things get.
And we will never have to grow apart,
Because we will look back at those times and hope to never forget.

So this one's for me and you
To always help remember,
That miracles do come true,
Because you're my best sister forever. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To her BFF 1407

i know you are afraid maybe to do the thing you should be doing

but its just a wish that we hope you will not withdraw, a wish so precious to her

a wish that you will not be greedy to give

 

you have everything, you are happy

you are blessed

i think it will not be a burden to give a favor

to the person, who once part of your life and will always be part of your life

you cannot deny her

 

you wishes to see her happy and glooming

but she is not, with illness like that, you could be?

its just until she can manage to be strong. 

 

 but would you bear to just know and without doing anything to settle things out?

would your tears be hold back knowing you never granted a simple wish?

 

 

my questions to you,

WHO IS SHE TO YOU?

IS SHE WORTH COMING BACK FOR?

ARE YOU STILL GONNA GIVE HER THE BURDEN SHE DOES NOT DESERVE?

 YOU ARE PART OF HER HAPPINESS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 she is indeed ready, for she have claimed

" i will be home with my father"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

just always remember sister,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

with all the love

kristine...